getting closer

One month from yesterday to the wedding. Bill has been busy building an arbor and Dale will go for his tux fitting tonight. There's a shower on the 2nd, Laura has taken care of the cake. I haven't seen any of the dresses and so much of this wedding will be a surprise to me. Bill and Bre still have to take care of what they will say. People have asked me if it will be emotional for me to perform the wedding and I really dont anticipate that it will be - I don't know why.

On another note, I am sitting here looking out the window at my horses eating breakfast and swishing flies, even with fly spray. I am thinking about how they relax and sleep a lot through the day and at my feet are two goldens that sleep ALL day. Right now as I begin my day, I am wishing I could that too. Some do I suppose. I never do. I think its because I am driven by purpose. I seem always to have places to go, people to see, things to do. I was driving the other day (to one of those places I have to go) and saw a man sitting under a tree reading a book in the middle of the day. I felt such a strong sense of envy and longing and wonder about why I don't think to do that. Right now I would say I need something to read that would hold my interest. But that's for later - I am soon off to the police department, then to see patients, document, grocery shop, that tux thing, dinner, prepare for a wedding I'm performing tomorrow, etc.

After a busy week end with family celebrations and a lot of fun it is quieter and the sun is out. Every time it is I feel the need to acknowledge it. I have a greater gratitude for it. The last few weeks have been packed with planning and I am looking forward to a few days of quiet. I am looking forward to the two peacock chicks we will be getting soon and the experience of watching them grow. I have only seen one baby peacock about 2 months old.

Our little mini is becoming accustomed to us but is very skittish so it will take some time before he is ready to hitch to the cart. In the meantime, Michael is working for his keep, grading and raking and driving, and just giving us great pleasure. He leaves whatever he is doing in the pasture to walk to meet me half way. Then he gently plants the velvet place on the side of his muzzle against my cheek and takes every kiss I give him. I was reflecting on my method of buying horses over the years and realizing that I have never been wrong when I trusted my instincts - not so much my senses - just a quiet voice inside that has said, "This one will make your life richer, will be honest with you, on occasion will make you laugh, and will be one you can cry your tears into when you need to." Horse people know what that means. For me: Breeze, Nightengale and Sherry. These are the ones I chose for myself. Each was with me a very long time and every minute cherished. There were many others that have come and gone from my life over 50 years, but these will forever hold special places in my heart. And, now, Michael. We will add another one we hope in the not too far future. Dale said the other day, "You know, we'll never find another on like Michael." I hope he's wrong.

Will the rain EVER stop? I am losing revenue because of it! An art student cacelled yesterday because of the thunderstorms predicted! We have had to restructure our horse management because of the mud which would have been gone a month ago any other year. Now it takes longer to feed and water because some have been relocated to places where there is LESS mud!

We are busy here getting ready for three family events that mark the important moments in life, two occuring this week-end. My dining room is wedding, baby shower, birthday central. It is a very busy summer but I am not complaining (if there was any question, I WAS complaining about the rain!). There will come a day when the busyness of our lives slows down, when our bodies are grateful for the slow down, but I do not look forward to a quieter time. There is hope and purpose in activity, two things that feed my soul.

So, today, after 5 glorious days off (rain and all), I go back to work and have already started my day earlier than I would have liked, just thinking of all I have to do to make up for the days off as there is no one to cover for me when I am away from my job and the work just piles there until I return. But I'm good, ready to roll.

Very busy week ahead. Need to plan, purchase and prepare food and raffle prizes for the Jack & Jill this Saturday, buy a baby shower gift and finish an art piece for a shower Sunday, try to manage a system to treat sweet itch in our tb mare, deliver art workpick up the care for horses that Whit usually does, get hay, and throw work in there somewhere. We find ourselves reaching for a time destination sometimes - looking for the place in time where our challenges will be behind us. We can't do too much of that and I often think of the words to a song by John Lennon, "Life is what happens when you're making plans." We have to take time in every busy day to grow in gratitude for the moment.

I truly love my life. I know love, I give it and I receive it. I know purpose. I know who I am, and I like who I am. I have gratitude - for the people, the animals, the nature, the experiences I have been blessed to know. I have hope - in today, tomorrow if it comes, and if it doesn't - for what may lie ahead. I try hard not to take anything or anyone for granted. I accept that I have made mistakes, hurt people, and used poor judgement at times in my life, but I also do not believe that the only thing in life that is perfect is imperfection. I believe of myself that I have never done anything with malice or ill intention. Life is what it is, accepting that is a priceless gift. I truly do love my life.

Off to work, to paint with a patient - watercolors and flowers, one of her dying wishes honored to help her fulfill. Then to a patient with two small boys to try to help her find a way of making sense of leaving them and establishing a connection of eternal love - life is so hard for some - my heart is always so with them. Visited a man yesterday who smoked with oxygen on and started a fire - he got burned. I spend a lot of time trying to make sense of what I see in life - sometimes I can't and sometimes I can find the gentleness in it. For that, I am grateful as I am for the balance of my own life, for its richness and beauty, for good friends to care about and share a piece of a day with, for chatter with children, and new hair cuts, and sunny days (which there seems a paucity of these days!). dale just brought me coffee, a seemingly small event, but it isn't Saturday or Sunday morning which this event is usually reserved for. Coffee on Thursday is an event for me!

Have some serious decisions to make and become informed of before I make them. Challenges at every turn. On the light side, if the rain holds out we will be going to fireworks tonight - right now I have my doubts. I was so startled to see sun today - it is almost like it is a foreign thing.